Writing your own wedding vows can feel surprisingly difficult. You know how much your partner means to you, but turning those feelings into a few clear sentences is another matter entirely.
Celebrant Mark Gregory of Mark Your Occasion shared a helpful approach during a WedTalks session at the BIG Wedding Sale in Leeds. His “Us, You, Me” structure gives couples a simple starting point without making every set of vows sound the same.
Before writing anything, speak to the person conducting your ceremony. The rules and available options depend on the type of wedding you are having.
During a civil marriage ceremony in England, you must say the required legal declarations and contracting words. Personal vows or promises can usually be added, but they do not replace the statutory wording. Your registrar may also need to approve them before the ceremony, and civil ceremony content must not include religious references.
Religious ceremonies may follow a particular form of words, while a celebrant-led ceremony can offer greater flexibility. If you are using an independent celebrant, confirm separately how and when the legal marriage formalities will be completed.
Checking these details early prevents you from writing vows that cannot be included in the ceremony as planned.
Personal vows give you an opportunity to speak directly to your partner about your relationship and the promises you want to make for your future together.
They do not need to be poetic, dramatic or particularly long. The most effective vows tend to include specific details that could only belong to the two of you.
You might mention a shared routine, a difficult period you supported each other through or a quality you admire in your partner. These details make the vows feel genuine without requiring you to tell your entire relationship story.
If you are staring at a blank page, divide your vows into three short sections: Us, You and Me.
Begin with your relationship as a couple. Think about the experiences, routines and values that have shaped your life together.
You could write about:
For example:
“I love the life we have built together, from our last-minute weekends away to the quiet Sunday mornings when neither of us wants to get out of bed.”
Choose one or two details rather than trying to cover every important moment.
The second section is about your partner. Focus on the qualities you value and the difference they have made to your life.
Instead of relying on broad descriptions such as “kind” or “wonderful”, explain what that quality looks like in practice.
For example:
“You are the person who notices when somebody needs help, remembers the smallest details and always knows when I need encouragement rather than advice.”
You can include a gentle reference to a familiar habit or quirk, but the overall purpose is to make your partner feel recognised and appreciated.
Finish with the commitments you want to make. These are the heart of your vows, so choose promises that are personal, realistic and meaningful.
You might promise:
A mixture of significant commitments and lighter promises can work well:
“I promise to listen when life feels difficult, to celebrate every success with you and to keep making you a cup of tea even when it is clearly your turn.”
Your vows should sound natural when spoken aloud. If you would never normally use words such as “destiny”, “soulmate” or “eternity”, there is no need to introduce them simply because you are getting married.
Write as though you are speaking privately to your partner. Your guests will be listening, but they are not the person you are addressing.
Specific details usually feel more sincere than familiar sayings. You can refer to a favourite film, song, hobby or place, but use the reference sparingly and make sure your partner will understand why it matters.
Humour can help your vows feel warm and natural, particularly if laughter is an important part of your relationship. However, the joke should never come at your partner’s expense.
Avoid private information, former relationships or anything that could cause embarrassment. If you are uncertain whether a joke is suitable, leave it out or ask somebody you trust to read it.
One or two affectionate lines are usually enough. Your vows do not need to become a comedy routine.
You do not need to show each other the finished vows, but it is helpful to agree on a general approach. Decide whether you will both include humour, approximately how long you will speak and whether there are subjects you would prefer to keep private.
A celebrant, registrar or trusted friend can review both sets separately and let you know if they differ considerably in tone or length. They should not reveal the wording unless you have agreed to share it.
Most personal vows benefit from being concise. Aim to say what matters without repeating the same promise in several different ways.
There are several ways to deliver personal vows, and there is no prize for memorising every word.
This is a dependable option and allows you to concentrate on what you are saying. Use a large, clear font, short paragraphs and plenty of spacing. Print a spare copy and give it to your celebrant, registrar or another trusted person.
The person leading the ceremony may be able to read your vows in short sections for you to repeat. This lets you maintain more eye contact without needing to remember the complete wording. Confirm beforehand whether this format is available.
If you feel confident speaking from memory, learn the structure and main ideas rather than trying to remember every pause and comma. Keep a written copy nearby in case nerves take over.
Vows can look natural on the page but feel awkward when spoken. Reading them aloud will help you find sentences that are too long, difficult to pronounce or unlike your normal voice.
Practise slowly and allow space between ideas. If your ceremony will use a microphone, ask whether you can become familiar with it during the rehearsal or venue visit.
It is perfectly normal to become emotional. Pause, take a breath and continue when you are ready. Nobody will expect a flawless performance.
Your vows do not need to impress everybody in the room. They simply need to express something honest about the relationship you share and the future you are choosing together.
For professional support with your ceremony or vows, visit Mark Your Occasion. You can also browse Yorkshire wedding suppliers, watch more conversations in the WedTalks collection or meet local professionals at an upcoming Yorkshire wedding fayre.
